Stansted is Super Sucky Sucky

I'm headed now to Greece to meet up with an ongoing tour in Thessaloniki, the organizer of which I met in Hebrew class online during Covid! The group has been to Egypt, Jordan and Israel and I am joining them for only the Greece section. Michelle and I had no problem leaving on time and getting me to London Stansted Airport 3 hours early, as Ryan Air recommended. Even I can be on time for airports now!

The first wrong move I made was getting into a line that I didn't realize was Customer Service rather than a Check-In line.  This was easily fixed when an employee walking around making announcements stopped near me and I clarified if I was in the correct line or not. I have learn that I must listen to that little voice that tells me when it thinks something is wrong--it is always right.

So I move to the line where the guy directs me and a few others, as he condescendingly says, "You have to read the signs."  Yeah, thanks--I hadn't thought of that yet. How about you creat a sign that says, "This line is for Customer Service only, not check in?" 

Okay, now I'm in the correct line. The TV's above say RyanAir, so that's a win, but they do not specify destination. I am in counters 65-70, so that's right, but I am unsure if this is truly the correct line. I ask the guy behind me if he's going to Greece--Nope. I decide this is good news and explains why the line is so long (not out-the-door-oh-my-gosh long, just regular long).

I get checked in and watch my bag get labelled properly and roll away on the conveyor belt, as all of the articles floating around on the internet are saying to do now.  On my one and only previous trip through Stansted I learned to purchase Fast Track, which is absolutely worth however much it costs, something around 10 extra Euros.  Thus, security is no problem for me, but there were throngs of people in the regular security line.

So far it is like a regular, busy airport. Once I am out of security, however, the suckiness of Stansted is revealed. In what I believe is an effort to practically force you to spend money, the throngs of people formerly in the security line are now funneled into a narrow lane with shops on both sides. It is claustrophobic. First is duty-free and I cannot get out of there fast enough. As I am weaving my way through kiosks of liquor and candy I realize they might sell the eye cream I forgot to buy in the US. They do, and a bigger bonus is a big of space away from all the people while I look and pay. Alas, I am then forced back into the current of people streaming through the "stream". A few times I have to calm myself down, because there are literally people everywhere. I make another stop at the drug store and join a fast moving but massive line there. The shelves are bare and it looks like scenes from stores in America I saw in newspapers during the pandemic. 

This narrow mall/stream thing seems endless. It keeps winding around and when it finally "opens up" into an eddy of sorts, we are still surrounded by shops, now ones serving food and one WHS. There are benches filling up the entire middle and people cover every possible space. All I can think of is getting to the place where it opens up, where there are less people--every airport has that eventually, right?

Not at Stansted. There are people sitting on windowsills, the floor, those bars near the ground that I think are bumpers to protect the walls from carts. I walk all the way to the end of an even skinnier corridor and find a window sill that only has one man leaning on one end. About 5 minutes into my respite a man and his small daughter claim the space in the middle of the window. A few minutes after that a couple literally comes over and parks right in front of the man and the daughter. The woman puts her bag right in front of the little girl and some interesting looks are exchanged. This is all I can take. I get up.

The "wide" opening in the shopping district in the airport.

My next mission is to find the bathroom. As best I can tell there is one central restroom area for all of the people waiting for flights. Seriously. I make my way there and take my turn. It doesn't take as long as I assumed it would, but it is just such close quarters to everyone! There are lines for absolutely everything--restrooms, water fountains, food, pharmacy, vending machines.

I notice a vending machine that sells Dr. Pepper. I'm feeling entitled to one because of all the people [any excuse for a Dr. Pepper is justified in my book]. I stare at the machine a while because it only takes credit cards and is not meant for kindergarteners adults with an easy 1,2,3. A woman waiting in line for water coaches me through the process of obtaining a DP but it doesn't work. Of course it doesn't. I try 3 more times but no DP.

Now the compulsion to have a Dr. Pepper has kicked in and I make my way across the sea of benches and people towards an airport-we-sell-anything store. They have Dr. Pepper Zero! It's a sign!  There is another line that wraps around one corner and down the other side of the store. It moves very quickly because they have a person directing people to the next available self-serve checkout machine.

I finally take refuge in a seating area downstairs called "Quiet Seating" that I had walked passed on my trip to the restroom. It is not super quiet but there is not a person in every available seat. The chairs are old and dirty but I don't feel so closed in down here as I did upstairs with the masses.

The Quiet Seating area.

There is about 40 minutes before my gate opens so I try to get onto the internet. I get this screen for ages (1 age = 10 minutes). The internet is terrible.

Families with loud children find this quiet area and the quiet recedes into squeals and screams. There are worse sounds, I guess.

I keep looking at my gate information. One thing that is fun about this airport is the way they post about the gates--I like that it says "Relax" when it is too early to go to the gate. Or maybe they do that to remind you that "Relaxing" may actually be possible in this airport!

The gates are down long corridors and as I go towards mine I know I am going to need a bathroom again. As ridiculous as it sounds, I wasn't sure there would be restrooms near the gates! I mean, they only have one set for the masses in the main part of the terminal, why wouldn't those be the only restrooms for the entire terminal! 

I asked an attendant working at the junction to the 80-88 gates if there were restrooms near the gates. He said something like, "of course," but I have learned that it is better to swallow my pride and ask clarifying questions rather than end up needing to pee for 2 hours until the seat belt sign turns off on the plane. As an aside, my strategy for waiting to board airplanes is the same as it is for waiting to start a race: continually be in line to use the bathroom. 

Once we boarded the plane, which involved a wait of about 10 minutes in a stairwell between the airport building and the plane, we sat on the runway for 50 minutes before we took off. Thank goodness there were restrooms by the gate!

I just had a seat on the stairs to the skybridge waiting to board the plane.

In conclusion, Stansted has a great location on the northern side of London; it has a lot of low cost carriers, but you pay the price when you use it--in time, comfort, claustrophobic episodes. If you do use it, get Fast Track and fortify yourself before you go into the terminal!