Superficial Joy

I'm not gonna lie, last night I had my first good cry. I took a bath (after too many days not) and the tears just came. I was so tired and hot outside and freezing cold inside and not thinking straight and lonely and irritated with myself for eating my anxiety and wanting to sleep and anxious about the first day and did I mention lonely and generally questioning my life choice to move to the other side of the world... But today, it all got better. As soon as I went downstairs to meet my colleagues in the same building for the shuttle to school I began to calm down. They were all worried about the same things I was. When we got to the school, I was amazed. I cannot tell you what school it is and therefore will not post pictures, but it is magnificent! There are windows everywhere . Every aspect from the classrooms to the library are spectacular! My classroom is tidy and empty, full of possibility and windows. The women I met today are kind and passionate and dedicated. Numerou...

Well, I made it. I'm going to post things all out of order, beginning with my new digs and going backwards to the packing. The last few days in Boise were so busy and I was so exhausted I had no time. Now it is 8 on Saturday morning and I am in the Starbucks which is super conveniently across the street from my new apartment building. Here's my building: I was collected at the airport by a few staff from school and along with about 6 other new teachers. They are from Iraq, Ireland, Australia, and the UK. As soon as I arrived we gathered then moved to the shuttle bus. I was happy to see everyone else had 3 suitcases and a carry-on as well! We are not all in the same building but scattered amongst about 5 different apartment structures; 4 of us in this one. Two school employees handed out keys, etc. and made sure we got to our quarters okay. Here it is! Let me just say, it is nice than these pictures make it look like. The living room. There is a balcony behind th...

I could not sleep last night for anything. My head is completely and consistently filled with lists of things i think need to get done before I leave: take down the Christmas lights, plug the holes in the walls, throw down grass seed, sort the filing box, clear out the fridge.... It's never-ending. After yesterday's rest what I learned is that I need more rest. Daily, actually. I can feel my body in a constant state of "on" and I don't like it. I want calm, where my body is really, truly not agitated and fully trusts that it is safe in thw world and that it us not being threatened. So I left town today to go camping in the middle of nowhere,  Idaho. To be totally honest, this has been planned for weeks but isn't it slightly coincidental that it coincided with needing to calm down? I was so tired today I barely remembered the essentials to bring camping and forgot a slew of things, but I made it up here. I am with friends and it is quiet and peaceful and [r...

6 days to go! In one week I'll be IN Abu Dhabi!!!!   But today, REST.  By the time I was alone and home and done last night it was 9 and while I was amazingly exhausted, I felt so relieved to have absolutely NO commitments until Saturday. Letting go of the leftover things is HARD! I keep having to remind myself that if I had to leave tomorrow, I'd be just fine. I have a slight  [read: sarcasm] tendency to expect more from myself than is reasonable, and I may  have been known to work myself into a frenzy over things than are not as essential in real life as they are in my head. So today I may not get off this couch at all! I may just watch 4 more episodes of Law & Order , drink tea, doze off, possibly take a shower. I may take a nap or go to the pool. Later I will go to dinner with a friend, but I may be in my pajamas until that happens!   

Aside from these beautiful flowers, friends gave me some wonderful cards this weekend. I just opened all my cards and I feel so loved and nourished! Every single one of them are coming with me to Abu Dhabi to help me fend off the certain lonely days that are sure to come. I'm not gonna lie, this one is my favorite: But here are some of the other ones, just for some happy thoughts!            

I am going berserk about suitcases! Yes, S.U.I.T.C.A.S.E.S. There are several issues going on here. 1. The Shipping "allowance". When I signed the contract with the school, I looked at the shipping allowance and misread it. See how it says AED 1000? I thought it said USD  1000. Whoops. So instead of $1000 US, I get about roughly $272 US. Not great. Luckily I stopped kicking myself for not noticing this before I signed, but now I'm trying to figure out how to get my stuff over there. Particularly I am worried about my protein shake supplement there; it comes in 1.5 lb tubs and I have enough to last through Christmas. Do I ship it? Do I check it? If so, do I put it in a suitcase? Will customs let it through? Arg!! 2. How many bags do I check? The school pays for 2. I am flying American and I have so far called twice to confirm the cost of checking a 3rd bag and heard two different answers: $150 and $200. Depending on how much it really costs, I will check ...

My house is empty after four hours of continuous and glorious chatter, backgrounded by the Michael Jackson station on Pandora. I'm sitting on the couch surrounded by bags of hamburger & hot dog buns, empty wine bottles, half filled plastic cups, 3 bunches of flowers and the remnants of a pot luck. About an hour ago, surrounded by a few dozen friends, a wave of anxiety-laced wonder passed through me as I anticipated the familiar loneliness that usually enters the house as the final guests leave. I'm happily surprised to report, however, I don't feel lonely at all! My heart is full of love, at the risk of sounding like a Donna Reed episode (no, I'm not that old; I grew up with Nick at Nite ). This morning I met with friends and had a minor Come-Apart about the grief I am feeling about leaving. Many people came up to tell me how much they love me, and for one of the first times in my life, I believed them. I left feeling love for them, their love for me, and, ...

I have finally managed to turn off the TV.  Briefly I considered it a few hours ago when I finished a movie I started yesterday on Amazon Prime ( The Dressmaker , it's really good), but I felt too sad so I went to the reliable standby,  Law & Order SVU  on Ion. Aside from USA's  A Christmas Story  marathon every December or a  Gilmore Girls  Netflix binge, where else can a girl get completely reliable, predictable, and most happy-ending television in which she can avoid her feelings for hours on end? All day long I have felt restless, irritable and generally bi&%$y. Maybe it's the lack of sleep lately, or that I  forgot  didn't meditate this morning, or that I want my house to be clean for people coming over tomorrow or that I still have lost no weight even though I must have burned enough mental energy obsessing about it to fit into those pants that used to be baggy on me. I kept driving through the day, cursing this and that, st...

I AM REALLY MOVING TO ABU DHABI!!!! I'm ticketed!!! And look at the routing on my ticket. Before you look, though, let me just say that I did NOT ask for this... AND...there is an almost 9 hour layover in Dallas! Most of my family lives in Dallas, so I will not only get to spend the afternoon with them, but also get to be sent off to the other side of the world by family. This is not the only thing that has fallen into place. Some of the other things... A friend recommended a super great property manager that I feel totally good about I don't fly out until August 24th, and so get to be here in Idaho for the solar eclipse!! (No solar eclipse in the UAE) Another friend's husband just happens to be newly working for a company that packs pianos and precious items for moving and storage. I found this out just about two weeks ago, when my piano had just moved to the top of my "to do" list. Said piano-packer-for-storage company owner hooked me up with ...