What have I done? #Homesick #Lonely

It finally hit. I have literally moved to the other side of the world. 

Both this and yesterday mornings I awakened after a fantastic night's sleep and cried when I realized I am still here. In my apartment-that-feels-like-a-hotel-room-still. Cold marble floors. Echo-y 10 foot ceilings.

It is SO hot. I knew this going in, and is exactly how I expected it. Maybe I was hoping I was wrong. I miss being outside all the time in Boise. I'm suddenly wishing I had spent way more time in the mountains this summer.

I am SO cold. Just like Texas, they haven't figured out that when it's 114 outside, the A/C set to 80 would be sufficient. Every inside venue is freezing cold.

I am lonely. My coworkers are really nice and kind but that doesn't seem to matter.

There is nothing to do except be in a mall.

I joined the wrong gym in my impulsiveness to get settled. And it's in a mall.

My apartment is only on the 3rd floor and overlooks...a mall.

I have no wifi. Everything happens on wifi, at least for expats. TV. Radio. Email.

I am spending a ton of energy on the topic of clothing and customs: Am I wearing the right thing? Am I doing the right thing? Am I allowed to look that person in the eye? Should I say hello?

I did go out [read: not sit at home sulking] to the movies last night with two ladies and saw The Hitman's Bodyguard. It was spectacular! I laughed out loud a bunch of times and highly recommend it. However, it was set in Europe and much of it happens in the Netherlands. I found myself tearing up a few times knowing what it is like to be in a city I really want to explore. I am not curious about this place.

Okay, enough. I know I am whining. I know I volunteered for this. And I know that this is probably super normal. It just never feels good, despite being aware it's coming.

I have meet a group of Westerners and a woman who has been here for something like 16 years gave me great advice. She said, "forget everything you know or think you know about how to live. Then be open minded as you learn the ways of life here." I have not idea if that's what she said, but it's on the right track. What helpful advice! I am not good at subtly, and am so grateful for those people who just bottom-line things for me like this.

Let me go through some of this list again, but with an improved perspective.

It is SO hot. It was a really, really, really long winter in Boise. Even the week before I left, there was a chill in the air in the mornings. I'm not gonna lie, I like being warm. And I have gone out onto my balcony at least two mornings and found the temperature quite pleasant. I hear come October the weather is spectacular straight through until April. 

I am SO cold. This has the same solution as in Texas--always bring a long-sleeved shirt. Also, I have to admit, I have been in 2 malls today and not put on my long-sleeved shirt. Maybe I'm not as cold as I think. And the fact that you can hang meet at my school just means it will be easy to comply with the dress code by layering. 

I am lonely. Let's be honest. Lonely is a problem I have had my entire life, no matter what city, state or continent I am on. I don't think it's going to entirely go away, ever. Only a few weeks ago I was feeling lonely in Boise. I don't get to count this one against Abu Dhabi. 

I joined the wrong gym in my impulsiveness to get settled. It's in a mall. Tough cookies, Joy. Everything is in a mall. They gym is on the way to work, which will conserve my taxi money until I decide what to do about transportation (rent or buy a car, or keep taxiing). And really, joining a gym is my impulsive behavior? I could list 20 things that would have been a worse choice, so I think this is okay. Now I'm on to myself, though, and have caught myself pulling back from several other decisions by reminding myself of the gym. If I wait, a good decision will come. 

My apartment is only on the 3rd floor and overlooks...a mall. My apartment is only on the 3rd floor! If I am feeling very sluggish, I could take the stairs. I am also 2 flights of stairs from the gym in the building and one from the pool. My view of the taxi stand at the mall is unobstructed so I have some idea of how long the wait will be for a cab before I head downstairs.

I have no wifi. Patience has never been a strong point for me, and now I can practice using some. I get to walk over to Starbucks and have to be very deliberate about what I Google. T-moble had 10GB for $30 of high speed data for the month which will hold me until wifi is on. Google searches are much faster and I can sort of stream audio, mainly NPR. I listen to yesterday afternoon's program (ATC) when I get up in the morning, and Morning Edition when I'm home at night. Oh, and I have to mention that my wifi setup appointment is on Tuesday afternoon. I almost forgot the good practice it is for me to be quiet with myself. Without background noise and immediate distraction available, there is a certain peace I find in the silence.

I am spending a ton of energy on the topic of clothing and customs. I am in an entirely different culture. I'm sure everyone new goes through this. I'll figure it out and feel more comfortable. What an opportunity to overcome my own stereotypes and learn a new culture and meet new people. 

I am not curious about this place. That's because I am busy crying. Depression tends to suppress curiosity, and it will pass. I know this about myself: I am an opportunist. I will see what there is to see here because I always do.

A friend in Boise always says that when she's feeling like this or super stressed or dealing with a lot of change, the main thing she needs is rigorous self-care. Me, too. This means little things. For example, I made sure to make my bed and brush my teeth this morning. Don't eat crap. Wash the dishes, preferable right after I eat. It all helps.

Hopefully the next report will be better, although I feel more optimistic already.